6 ridiculous things I’ve caught myself saying the past week that made me roll my eyes at myself and simultaneously realize that I am now a real-life adult. Scary times, we’re living in, folks. Scary times, indeed.

1 - Yeah, I had a lot of fun last night at my buddy’s political campaign party.

Oh haaaay, Hilary! Could you pull some strings for me at the capital? You’re such an inspiration. GIRL POWER!

Um. Sorry, I have no power like that. But for real, I’m VERY excited about my friend Jeff’s campaign, he’s honestly a TERRIFIC guy who I believe in 100%! He has such a great vision for District 15 and here I go again sounding like a total grown up what is happening someone quick challenge me to a game of beer pong I’ve even abandoned punctuation at this point I'm pretty sure osteoporosis just got all up in me let's pretend we're princesses again with a quickness!!!!

2 - Sorry, I can’t, I have a brow and eyelash appointment.

Ah, well, what about Friday? Will that work for you or is that when you’re having your   unmentionables bleached? 

Really? I mean, who am I?! Who has a brow and eyelash appointment?! I mean, even on their calendar? I guess that’d be grown-up-Mia. Weird.

3 - Um, yes, I’d like to make a dentist appointment for myself. 

Wook at mommy’s big guurl making her own wittle appointments by her wittle sewf! 

Seriously, I felt the internal need to smash that tiny feeling of pride for taking care of my oral hygiene. Hashtag pathetic. 

4 - Oh yeah, I’m definitely going to get started on my security clearance paperwork. 

You little, jet-setter, you. How many times have you flown now? A grand total of 9 business-class seats you’ve adorned? Damn, you really need to get that in gear to save yourself some precious time. Better yet, go ahead and spring for that G3 you’ve had your eye on, Queen B! You deserve it! 

Seriously though, I'm doing this. Why not? 

5 - Well, it was before 7 and I couldn’t go back to sleep so I just got up and went to work early. 

WHAT.IS.HAPPENING TO YOU?!?!?!?! You’re officially a new person, however, you really should just start getting up earlier on the reg so you can run before work, what am I saying, you were just having a nightmare about running?!

If you've known me my whole life, you know I have a true superpower when it comes to sleeping. I can sleep-in as long as I want, can sleep through ANYTHING, I compLETELY suck at mornings, aaaaaaaaand I'm usually running late. I hate that about myself, I think this week maybe I was trying to improve? 

6 - Could you please send me a quote for refinishing my concrete basement floors? 

While you’re at it, also send me a quote for how much you’d charge to pull my head out of my ass? That’d be greeeeeeeaat. 

Owning a home, caring about refinishing floors and asking so many people for quotes, on top of all of the other stuff I've said and done this week makes me feel like I'm wrapped up in silly things. When the brow appointment alert popped up on my phone I felt like I just saw an image of my head in my ass on the screen for some reason. In the end, I'm really just thankful for all these blessings, it's truly amazing. 

Other news this week in the Land of Meerkat - I also had a nightmare that I was in Hawaii. Why was that a nightmare, you ask? I have no idea, that was probably the weirdest thing that happened. No, wait, the weirdest thing was the migraine that sent me into a “you’re definitely dying right now” panic, as I haven’t had a true migraine like that since college. Saying “since college” also makes me feel like a grown up. Ugh, this is all so weird. Also, it’s 9:00 and I’m struggling to keep my eyes open, though that could be the dye on my eyelashes, either way, thanks for reading about my stupid thoughts. Life is so weird but it’s cool to peel off your own layers and step back and say, “Huh, okay, well, that seems really strange but it’s me and I’m happy with it!” Love, ya’ll, thanks for reading about my crazy-brain-thoughts. Night night. 

Overthinking Facebook

I’m cracking up right now, not because of an intentionally hilarious post on Facebook, but sadly because I’m an ass and I’m about to die of laughter due to a ridiculously idiotic post I have seen from an old friend on Facebook. He and I will likely never meet again, but yet we “keep up with one another” just enough to envy or degrade from afar. Is this okay, most people may say, do I REALLY need to be seeing what Goober McWhatever is up to these days; why do I even enjoy seeing other people’s shit so much on “my social network?” The conclusion I’ve come to thus far is this: why overthink it? Just enjoy it, put it out there to “the world” or just don’t. Don’t hate on the over-posters or those who fly under the radar and never “like” a damn thing, just worry about yourself and what you’re putting out in the world. All I can control is myself and I don’t want to overthink the unthinkable. 

I mean, it’s really okay that your cousin posts 72 mediocre food pics a day, or that your ex posts a new status every hour announcing how much they love their new fiancé, or that your sibling’s ex’s brother’s nephew’s friend posts nothing but conspiracy theories that involve President Obama and Walt Disney. Did it really change your day that I posted a goofy update about my obsession with cheese? No. Are the negative comments necessary? No. Do the negative comments on my status posts or horrific photos I’m tagged in truly change my day? No, not unless I let them. 

We talk about how others use Facebook because whether we like it or not, we’re constantly interested and intrigued by the human experience we’re not having. I think this is also where jealousy, greed, insecurities, and sadness, among many other negative human thoughts, derive. Then we take what others spew into Facebook  and do what we do as individuals, we judge, envy, love, or despise the living shit out of one another and let the thoughts live and breed in our minds until we’ve decided that Facebook is a useless, ridiculous tool for tools. This is not entirely true. For example, I wouldn’t be able to revisit conversations I’ve had with some of the best friends that I’ve ever had in my life without Facebook because (to be the classically dark Mia that I can be) some of them I will never see again on this earth, not because of distance but because we as humans, well, we expire. We expire and we move on to the next. Spoiler alert, folks, you gonna die! *Scooby-Doo voice* WHHHUUUUUUUT!?!?! It’s okay, I am too, more reason to let the good in and the bad roll off our newsfeed, just more reason to focus on our own short, human experience and enjoy it as best as we can. 

I could go on and on about all the terrific things about Facebook and how I use it personally, then again I could go on about all the garbage that drives me bonkers about people on Facebook or all the hilarious, hot-mess-friends that I seem to have met at some point in my life. The thing about it is, we all think we’re right and none of us really are. Are you cooler than me because you never post or “like” anything? No. Am I cooler than you because I do? No. It’s simply another outlet, not an idol to worship or a fad to hate, it’s whatever you want it to be, just like everything else is in this life. Quit taking it all so seriously or trying to figure everyone out, you’ll just overthink yourself into insanity. There’s no answer, there never really is, and that’s okay. 

So my point in all this rambling nonsense from my supposed ADHD mind is this: chill out, Facebook isn’t the devil, and no one will ever be “using it right” in your glorious opinion, so just use it as you’d like and ignore the rest or peek into the lives you’d like to glimpse into, or at least glimpse into the lives that have been portrayed to be appealing, because when it all comes down to it, Beyonce or Goober McWhatever, we’re people and we’re all trying to enjoy this ride before we expire so just enjoy it and quit being an ass about everything. Basically, it really doesn’t matter unless you’ve done something amazing or something horrific, so let’s just all try to avoid the latter. 

I write this because I feel like I can put my thoughts in an order that makes sense when I type it out, not so much when my thoughts are left to overthink in my crazy mind; this blog is my outlet, hate it or not, it doesn’t really matter because it has already served its purpose, I already feel better and my brain feels a bit lighter. I’m aware that I’m not the best writer but that’s okay with me, I still enjoy it. Thanks for humoring me with your viewing and I hope I haven’t offended anyone greatly with my bluntness or my occasional “dirty word,” if so, hopefully you got my message just enough to not let it bother you too much ;) Goodnight, good folks. 

Check, mate.

What's in your to do list? Is it full of your self-worth to the extent that it is the point of which you measure your opinion of others? Sometimes I find that I fall prey to these negative feelings; feelings that I fear could possibly block the boundless ability of my human mind. I'm working on detecting my emotion so that I may gain a higher ability to expand my perception, compassion, and overall understanding of you people wandering around me on this planet.

Last year I would say that I, "consider myself a hard worker," but I'm happy to say that I've matured to accept confidence and now I will say that I am most definitely a hard worker. It's a fact that's on the brink of a budding problem but I think I have a healthy hold on it at this point in the game. I enjoy my work, though I tend to judge myself based on my overall performance and my career is a heavy hitter in that category so when I work hard, I feel good about myself. Normal, right? For folks like me it isn't just normal, it's a thrill. But I shouldn't feel less respect for those who don't necessarily work as hard as I do or have the same kind of demanding day-job that I do, that's their prerogative to do what they want and who I am I to understand what they are truly capable of, especially if they're not willing to explore their own possibilities. It's silly that this is such a struggle for me to accept, a problem to work on to improve myself. If I don't work on it, then I allow the risk of this judgmental thought to become extreme and then I voluntarily walk into the consuming fog that is my own  self-esteem, blown out of proportion to the point that I'm able to see nothing but my own success-seeking-self. I become immune to reason, understanding, and the ability for my mind to venture to a perspective that is anyone else's; I believe this would weaken my mind, my ability, my possibilities, because I am one human, unable to figure out this utterly encompassing world with this single, mortal brain. Thinking less of others tips the scale of thinking to highly of myself, and what is more dangerous than the possibility of true arrogance? Gross. 

This thought makes my brain sigh with a bit of hopeful relief and a hint of dread for what door that it opened. It cracked the door of compassion for the victims of the judgmental, arrogant mind. Have I graduated from sympathy to empathy? But oh how much easier it is for me to simply disregard judgmental folks altogether. Now I can imagine the path that their minds may have traveled, and maybe they simply expect everyone to have their drive and effort. Maybe they're tired of trying so hard. Tired of never being appreciated for all their hard work; no one ever appreciates the overwhelming amount of checkmarks they have scored on their to-do lists so when they see someone without a score board, they don't know what to feel other than anger. Anger is easy. They could have done nothing at all with their time and still be a human, a mortal being with nothing really to give or receive other than love. 

It sounds so simple, doesn't it? Simplicity is deceptive, nothing is ever simple, it just feels safest that way and it's up to us to decide when to let things be. I'm deciding to stop here and live here for a while, here in this thought. I finally feel a bit better about where my head is, I finally feel like I've made a tiny crack into a window of another perception, a fresh breeze always makes me feel a little more alive.

So when I hear to "Accept others for who they are" then yeah, maybe I will try and to accept all others, even strangers, even the laziest, most selfish of ass holes out there, and the most arrogant, judgmental, political nut jobs, for who they are. If not for their benefit, then at least for my own. If I'm caught up worrying about the ways of strangers, that I have absolutely no control over, then how can I successfully accomplish all that I've proudly collected on my to-do list? I don't think I can. Not to mention that this acceptance could save me from becoming the angry,  judgmental, emotionally exhausted, pitiful person that I should also accept, understand, and try and love. There are not just types of people in this world, everyone is their own type and if I can appreciate everyone  for being how they are, imperfect, individual human beings, then I can be happy with my own imperfect self, regardless of my score board. Love is about all I've got to give and hoarding anything is never a pretty sight.

To put it simply, this is just another day to try and love all you underachievers and overachievers out there and I'm happy to share that I think I'm one step closer to sharing that love. I hope my ranting steam of consciousness makes a little sense to you at least, basically the summary is this: I try very hard so when you don't try at all, it pisses me off and I think less of you, though I shouldn't because that's how arrogant, judgmental people think and now that I see myself thinking in that direction I have sympathy for the judgmental thinkers out there, which also allows room in my brain to appreciate and accept those who don't try as hard as me, resulting in a tiny feeling of happy accomplishment for me - coming complete circle and checking off another small success off of my precious, ongoing to-do-list ;) Ha! I can only work on me so I suppose the accepting should start here first. I accept and appreciate my curious, hard working, success-seeking, over-thinking self. Aaaand, check.

As always, I appreciate you for reading, maybe even now more than ever, and hopefully even more for the next post.